Forget Pilates. Forget Prancercising. If you’re looking for the hippest new workout, look no further than this ’80s workout VHS, starring a 15-year-old Alyssa Milano. You may know Milano from her days on Charmed (or, let’s be real, from 4 a.m. Who’s The Boss reruns). But it was back in her teenage heydey that Milano had her greatest role of all: teenage workout instructor.
But “Teen Steam” is so much more than the weird, ineffective exercises performed by a 15-year-old girl. It is a complex narrative film about the pressures of teen-dom. Taking place over the course of a sleepover/workout party, the movie includes bizarrely staged music videos (starring Milano!), boy problems (that she is having!), and choreography that looks like…well, something a 15-year-old girl would do in her bedroom. The movie’s lesson is that being a teenager is frustrating, and the best way to work out all that “teen steam” is to stretch your arms in the air at a 30-degree angle, for about a half an hour — preferably, while wearing chunky sneakers and a giant belt.
This video is just part one of three, and the whole thing is worth a watch. It’s hard to do justice to Milano’s triple-threat performance of actress, singer, child-workout-guru. Just watch and learn and try not to laugh. Oh whatever, laugh it up.
Photo: via Alyssa Milano Facebook